To Be or Not to Be
by DarknessHitsMe
Summary: After a devastating change in Alexa's life she runs. She left her friends and her family in order to find herself. But when she comes back is it possible she lost herself more then ever imaginable? Find out how Alexa struggles too find herself back and maybe get some love along the way. *Same character and universe from Missings Souls.*
1. Prologue

**Prologue** -

_All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves._

* * *

><p>The wind was cold and flowed over her skin like water pouring on the earth. Her heart was beating slowly and her eyes were drooping but she forced herself to stay awake. To keep watch.<p>

The wooden steps she was sitting on to look out over the streets were hard and icy and it didn't make the keeping watch thing any easier. The thing was, she was used to it. She was doing this for a week now, if you didn't count when Scott took over and watched out over the streets himself. It kind of became a routine since the Kanima started roaming the streets. It was fine though, she had Stiles too keep her company. He was always there for her and she loved him for it. He was her best friend. He was her _boyfriend._Sometimes she still couldn't believe that this sweet, cheesy guy actually liked her.

That made her confusing feelings for his best friend even worse. They weren't really confusing feelings, she knew exactly what she was feeling, she just didn't want to admit them. Maybe it was because she didn't want to do that to Stiles or maybe it was because she was selfish and she didn't want to ruin the perfect illusion that her dating Stiles wasn't a bad thing, She didn't know, but she did know that she liked being with Stiles.

The person in question interrupted her by coming out of the house with two steaming cups of coffee to keep them awake and a blanket was wrapped around his arm. He took a seat next to her on the steps and handed her one of the cups of coffee of which she eagerly took a sip. The warm liquid rushed down her throat and created a comforting blanket around her. She smiled at the boy next to her in thanks and with her free hand she took his. His large hand enveloped her petite one. He seemed to think of something and he put his mug down next to him and draped the blanket over them both as best as he could with one hand. It shielded them partly from the wind and even though she as a werewolf could handle a little cold, she was glad for it. A small thanks leaved her lips and she leaned her head against his shoulder. His thumb was rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand while they looked out over the streets. She brought the steaming coffee to her lips once again and took another one of these pleasant sips.

'You make really good coffee,' she sighed to him. His chuckles vibrated through his chest and shook her slightly. He kissed the top of her head and mumbled into her hair, 'Because you basically give me a coffee making lesson on how to make the perfect cream mocha.' This time she giggled and raised her head to look at him. He looked distant, it was something he was being a while now.

A pained sigh leaved her lips and Stiles looked at her in question. 'Come on, get it over with.' He shook his head slightly, 'Get what over?' She looked at him with raised eyebrows and a disbelieving look, 'You know what I'm talking about. The whole we can't be together anymore because… speech.'

His beautiful maple eyes became incredibly sad and she wished she could take back the words because she didn't want to see him this sad.

But she knew she couldn't, they were out in the open now. 'Who says I was going to give you that speech?' A frown took over her face, 'Come on Stiles, you've been distant for quite a while now. I knew this was coming. Just tell me what you want to tell. I won't be mad at you.' Sad, yes. Mad, no.

He squeezed her hand and let it go. 'You're right.' He sighed and turned to face her completely, keeping watch over the streets long forgotten. 'We can't continue this. I love you and I will always love you. You are amazing and kind and generous, your gentle and caring and gorgeous. You hate to see people get hurt and you always try to make everyone feel loved and cared about even tho you are dealing with a lot of things yourself. Your so unbelievably strong, you are like an Angel that was send down to earth. But you aren't right for _me_. Maybe in a different life, at a different time, but not now.'

His eyes traveled down to her lips and then he touched them with his own. Small and gentle and bittersweet. The touch was light and gone before she knew it.

'I know you are in love with Scott. And I think you have been for a while. I've always seen it, I just didn't want admit it. And I don't blame you. You can't choose who you love. I know that more than anyone.' A single tear rolled down her cheek. He was right. He was so _right_. It wasn't fair of her to be with him while she was most certainly in love with someone else. She knew that he must be heartbroken, that this was incredibly hard for him to say. To see his best friend always being chosen over him. Still the pain seeped down her skin and came imbedded with her bones and it hurt. It hurt so damn much.

She moved one of her hands to her cheek and wiped away the wetness. She shed the blanket, put her mug on the porch and stood up. Stiles followed. 'I'm so sorry,' he said and reached out to touch the soft flesh of her cheek. She bit her lip and turned her head away. His hand stopped mid-air and fell back to his side. That's when she ran. He called after her but she used her speed to get away from him. To get away from everything.

* * *

><p>After what seemed like hours of running she stopped at the edge of Beacon Hills Preserve and slid with her back down a tree to land on the moist and cold ground. She pulled her knees up and rested her head between them. Fresh tears were rolling down her cheeks and quiet sobs turned into full, heartbreaking ones. She didn't get why she was so upset over this. She knew it had been coming for weeks now. It shouldn't have surprised her.<p>

It didn't, she realized. The emotional breakdown she was having now was long overdue to. Ever since she became a werewolf her head was all over the place. She wasn't made to be one. The responsibility and the uncertainty messed with her mind and her feelings and it crumpled her. She didn't even have time to get adjusted to her new life as a creature of the night because of all the crap with Lydia and the Kanima. And then she rushed in to a relationship with Stiles while she knew she had feelings with Scott. That couldn't have brought her any good either. Her head was messed up and she lost herself. She wasn't the person she needed to be to help people and to take care of all the evil in Beacon Hills. Her friends didn't get anything good about her being there right now. She needed to get her self-back in order to be of any use. And she wasn't going to find the rest and peace she needed here. The decision broke her heart but it had to be made.

* * *

><p>That's how she found herself at home, throwing her stuff into a shoulder bag. She had been glad to see that Stiles had left and for once she was actually happy that Scott had sneaked to Alison's house. At the thought of her best friend tears filled her eyes but she blinked them away. Alison would understand.<p>

Her bag was eventually filled with the necessaries such as long shirts, jeans, socks, garments and jackets. She went into her closet and got out an army green sweater with black pants and she pulled out a worn-out fleece vest to put on over her sweater. When she was dressed into those she changed her current flats to pale gray sport shoes. When that was set and done she walked over to her dresser and reached inside the back of a drawer. As she pulled back green money bills became visible and she crammed them into the pockets of her fleece vest. She fished her passport and ID out of another drawer and put those in her shoulder bag. As soon as that was done she wiped away leftover tears with the back of her hand and walked towards her desk where she took a seat and pulled out a bundle of papers. She at least had to write a letter to explain to them why she left. Why she was letting them handle this Kanima all by themselves. Why she was leaving in such a tough time.

She decided that writing an individual letter to all of them would take too much time so she made the decision of writing one to her family and one to her friends. It was hard making those letters. She couldn't explain to her family why she was leaving so she had to make some crappy excuse about her anxiety coming back and that this town wasn't good for her mental health. The thought of her mom and her sister almost made her want to crawl into bed and pour her eyes out but she knew this was better for them too. Without her they were at least save, they wouldn't be a target for the enemies she had made. And if they did get in to danger, Scott would help them. He always had been the hero type. The letter to her friends was the hardest because she actually had to tell them why she was leaving while she didn't know that well herself. The words on the letter were raw and honest and some way she felt exposed. Naked. She bared her soul onto those papers. She had written her friends everything. It was also hard not to focus too much on individual persons in that letter because she couldn't possibly tell Scott she loved him or tell Stiles that she had been unfair to him because she loved Scott all that time. Of course she tried to work that subtly into the letter but she soon found out those words were too big to be written in a letter, they should be said out loud. But that had to wait for some time.

The letters were left on her bed in white thick envelopes with a red seal made of candle wax. She still was a sucker for those things. Looking at the house being peacefully quiet without a living soul created a pit in her stomach. She turned her back on it and walked away. She didn't know how long she was going to be gone, but she did know that when she came back, she wouldn't be the same.

* * *

><p><strong>So here it is. The other version of Missing Souls. I knew it took a while but once I started writing this beauty all my excitement came back and I couldn't stop till the prologue was finished. For the people who are at loss here because you haven't read Missing Souls, this is the same character from that unfinished story but send forward in time to half season two, end season 3A. You don't have to have read Missing Souls because I haven't come far with it anyway and you didn't have to have read that too understand this story. I just hadn't had any inspiration for that certain time line anymore but I did have a lot of other ideas for this part of the story so to be fair to you guys I decided to quite Missing Souls and start something new. The prologue takes place in mid-season two before they find out Jackson is the Kanima. Chapter once will take place around the end of season 3A. I will work with flashbacks to let you know what happened in season 1 and the period of time she was gone between season two and three so it will be a big part of the story.<strong>

**Welcome to; "To be or not to be."**

**Yours Sincerely. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1** -

"_The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life._"

* * *

><p>Several months had went by since Alexa Ravens left Beacon Hills to find herself.<p>

In those months a lot happened in Beacon Hills.

The Kanima turned out to be Jackson but they turned him back into a werewolf with Lydia's help who now knew about the supernatural.

Scott and Alison broke up.

Boyd and Erica went missing.

Erica died and not much later Boyd died to.

A crazy murderous Alpha pack was causing havoc in town.

But most of all, they had to deal with the loss of a friend. They didn't know when she was coming back and if she was even coming back at all. They had found her letters the next day. Stiles had found them actually when he went to check on her.

It had left a hole in their group of friends and without her they were just kind of going through the motions. But after several months they got back on track and continued to live their life. They still missed her, they still wanted her to come back. But they weren't exactly waiting anymore either.

And their missing friend wasn't on their mind when they submerged under water to find their parents. Their mind wasn't on their missing friend when they went out to find them.

That's why it came as a surprise that she returned at the worst possible timing. It was also a surprise to find out she wasn't who she used to be.

* * *

><p>The loft was a battleground when she arrived. Her leather boots crunched on the gravel while her blond hair was swaying slightly in the wind. A menacing grin was visible on her face and her nails were painted blood red. Her eyes scanned the perimeter before she walked into the building and up to the penthouse of the loft. The sound of breaking glass was hearable and the smell of angry werewolves filled the air. 'So, who wants to go first?' A voice reached her ears and she sped up her legs. The fighting started just when she reached the door and she sneaked in without being seen because everyone was focused on the two woman fighting in the middle of the room. For a moment she stood and watched till one of the twins caught her standing there. He growled and all heads whipped around to look at her standing in the doorway. One of the twins moved Lydia protectable behind him but she shoved him away and looked at the newcomer in disbelief.<p>

'Alexa,' she whispered. Alexa held her head awry and smirked at the strawberry haired girl who used to scare her out of her mind. Then she moved her head back to Jennifer and Kali who both had stopped fighting to scan the girl. Kali's eyes flashed in recognition and her eyes turned bright red. Jennifer took a few steps away and before Kali could attack Alexa the Darach was standing in front of Lydia. 'Scream!' she bellowed the girl. Lydia looked at her in fright and Jennifers open hand made contact with her cheek. Aiden shoved Jennifer away but she threw a look back to Alexa and Kali who were both in a fighting stance. She looked at Lydia again and said one more time, 'Scream!' This time she did.

A piercing scream ripped through the air alerting any werewolf that was close by. Jennifer looked pleased and turned to Alexa who let her eyes flash to the woman before she focused back on Kali who was still gripping her ears. 'They're all yours. Send Derek to me later would you?' Without waiting for a response Jennifer was gone.

Kali charged but Alexa ducked out of the way with a grin on her face. This went on till Alexa ducked down and gripped Kali's ankle and threw her through the air. The woman landed on the concrete floor with a crunch. The twins tried to charge at her but Lydia's desperate pleas stopped them.

Alexa's eyes flashed dangerously red to the twins who backed away. Kali pushed herself up and looked at the blond girl full hatred. 'You're the one who killed my sister.' A thoughtful look crossed over Alexa's face and then said, 'Oh, I think I remember. Wasn't she the bitch who attacked me outside of my motel?' A smirk laced itself on her lips, 'Or was it the one from who I got these pretty red eyes?' Kali heaved and growled, 'Both.' She charged again. This time Alexa grabbed her neck and snapped it. Kali's lifeless body fell to the ground. Her eyes followed the woman and then she looked back at the twins. 'If I were you, I would listen to Lydia.' She winked. She went to walk away but was stopped by someone entering the loft. Actually, two someone's.

Derek looked at her in shock and his sister looked at her searchingly before she hurried to Lydia who was sitting on the ground. 'Alexa?' he asked in disbelief before his eyes found Kali's body. When he looked back at her she flashed her eyes red. 'H-how?' he questioned. She turned her eyes back to normal and grinned at him. 'No need to worry. Jennifer wants to see you. Normally I wouldn't like following orders but it can be one of your only chances to help Scott.' Her eyes flashed dangerously and she took a step towards Derek. His sister jumped up and growled but Derek shot her a warning glare. 'Make sure that he survives. I would hate to see him get hurt.' Alexa straightened her leather jacket and turned back to the twins, Lydia and Derek's sister. 'See you around.'

* * *

><p>Blue lights filled the barn and casted a bright light over the nearby grounds. Close to the barn but not too close to be seen stood Alexa watching the scene in front of her. A small sad smile laced itself on her face while she watched the boy she loved break to the mountain ash barrier and become a true Alpha. She wished she was as good as Scott. As pure and as honest. She wished she was the hero type. But she wasn't. And she would never be. Tears filled her eyes and she stubbornly blinked them away. She hadn't cried in months. She wasn't going to begin now. Being so close to Scott without touching him or talking to him was painful but it would hurt more if she actually was there with him. Because she had changed. She wasn't the good little girl she used to be. If he would see her now he would hate her. Darkness had settled in her bones and if she became too close to Scott it would find his way to him and destroy his light and she wasn't going to let that happen. No to him. So she covered her tears with a smirk and let the wind carry her words. 'Congratulations, Scott.'<p>

* * *

><p><strong>This is the first real chapter of To Be or Not to Be. It's going to get better by the way but I just wanted to have written this chapter. The thing is that I had possibly no inspiration. So it sucks. I'm bad at fighting scenes too. <strong>

**I PROMISE it's going to be better next chapter. **

**I got a review on Missing Souls telling me that this story seemed a bit gloomy and less fun then the first version. And it is. A lot happened to Alexa and this book is kind of her trying to find herself and defeat the darkness that's inside of her. That's doesn't mean there isn't going to be humor. It's still going to be fun and games but everything just has a darker edge to it and there will be chapters with gore and blood and pain. I hope you guys can stick with me on this one because I'm really excited to try this.**

**Don't forget to leave a review, follow or fave.**

**Yours Sincerely. **


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 –

"_One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him."_

* * *

><p>After the events of Scott becoming a True Alpha and defeating the Darach, the man clad in black told the Alpha about the return of his long lost friend. To say the boy was shocked was an understatement. He actually stopped breathing and his eyes had began too water. He wanted to go to her and see if it was real. If she was really here. But Derek his words stopped him. He told Scott that the girl had changed. That she was an Alpha herself now and that it seemed like she had been consumed by darkness. He told him about Kali and how the blond girl had snapped her neck. Scott didn't want to believe him. He couldn't. Because that is not how he remembered her. That was not who she was.<p>

So he went out to find her. He came out empty handed. He had no idea where she was.

The darkness that had creeped his way in to his bones because of the sacrifice made everything worse. He felt hopeless and he seriously thought the girl had left town again.

At first he didn't want to tell the others but Lydia, the one who had seen her return, told him he had to. That he owned them that. So he told his friends about her return. Stiles had almost the same reaction as him and refused to talk another word about it. Alison refused to believe the change in her best friend and tried desperately to defend her actions. Isaac hadn't known Alexa that well but he was sure she couldn't be the girl Derek and Lydia said she had become.

And that was how their victorious moods had been shattered to leave nothing but dread.

* * *

><p>Seeing that Alexa didn't want to return back to her home she had decided to rent some house on the outskirts of town with money from her savings. She knew that was a way to find her but Alexa was fairly certain they would find her eventually so she didn't really care. She couldn't return back home because she didn't want to face her sister or her mother like this. They would only scold her and Alexa wasn't in the mood for that. They were looking for her, she knew that much.<p>

Her friends too but that was obvious seeing Alexa followed them all the time to see what they were up to.

She had noticed the effects of the sacrifice they made for finding their parents and she almost felt sorry for them wasn't it that she didn't allow herself to care. Not caring was better, it gave you less pain. Alexa had been in town for a month now, even when they were still dealing with the Darach, but she kept in the shadows. That's how she knew most of what was happening.

Alexa didn't know if her return to Beacon Hills was nostalgia or holding up on a promise but if she wanted to be more involved in what was happening she had to do something she dreaded.

Go back to that goddamn school.

* * *

><p>The next morning she had to get up early if she wanted to be on time and it made her mood even worse then it already was. It would be the first time in a long time that she would actually talk to her friends. If they even still were her friends.<p>

After she took a shower she dressed in a black leather dress with long sleeves and put on some jewelry. Without shoes she walked to her kitchen and poured herself some cereal.

Her appetite was far to find but she needed to have some food in her system if she wanted to function properly.

The cereal was soppy and gross so she checked the expire date to see it was just that, expired.

With a disgusted squeal she threw the cereal in to the trashcan en gargled some water. When she was sure her mouth wasn't contaminated anymore she stepped into her black high heels and strapped them on.

She studied herself in the mirror to see a girl staring back at her with lifeless eyes and if you looked really close you could see the darkness just below her skin. She laced a smile on her face but it seemed fake so instead she smirked. It stood her well.

With her hands she fluffed up her curls a bit and then she grabbed her bag from the coffee table.

She strutted out of her house to her car, to smile genuinely when she saw it. In all the time she was gone she couldn't get it over her heart to buy a new car so she sticked with her beetle, the one she had gotten from Addison. The thought of her sister gave her a pang in her chest and for the first time in months she was scared.

Today she would be seeing her sister again. What would she say? Would she hug her? Or would she call the police and demand her to come home? Alexa disliked both options.

After wistfully staring at her red beetle she got in the car and turned the key in the engine. With a start the car came to life and Alexa began to drive. She turned the volume of her radio to it's highest and rolled down her windows so the wind could blow her hair every direction.

After a twenty minute drive she parked her car in front of the school and got out.

Immediately she spotted Scott to seem him freaking out. Alexa frowns and goes to follow him. When she catches up to him she sees him talking to Stiles and she hides behind a wall. Her breathing is labored and her heart is beating feverishly in her chest. Being so close to them was awful. The two boys she loved just a few meters away. Alexa was surprised Scott hadn't catch-ed her scent yet.

Stiles and Scott began talking about what was happening to them and Alexa frowned. It seems it was getting worser by the day.

She was just about to step from the shadows when Alison and Lydia catch-ed up to them all of a sudden. Hurriedly she pulled herself back and watched her friends with wide eyes. Those stupid emotions made her almost hyperventilate. This was why she shouldn't have come back.

'Because it's happening to all three of you,' spoke the strawberry blond. Alexa was glad that the usual fear for the girl stayed put.

Stiles looked completely done and a laugh bubbled up. She threw her hand in front of her mouth and took a deep breath. She perked her ears to see if they heard anything but only the sound of fading footsteps was heard. Alexa peeked to the tunnel to see the four had already went ahead to the school. She breathed a sigh of relieve and hosted her bag better on her shoulders.

Now her friends were out of her line of vision she could collect herself and strut over too the entrance. The stares on her reminded her of the first time she came here, when she was still fresh and new. But this time she could actually hear the whispers.

'Isn't that Alexa Ravens?'

'Addison's sister came back?'

'Didn't she run away?'

'Attention whore.'

With the last statement Alexa smirked and walked in to the building.

The bell just ringed and she saw her group of friends in the middle of the hall talking to each other. All their backs were turned to her except that of Lydia's.

The girl in question closed her mouth in the middle of a sentence when she spotted Alexa and her eyes became wide.

'Lydia, what is it?' she heard Stiles ask.

Alexa smirked even wider if that was possible and she stood up straighter. Lydia didn't say anything so the others turned to see who she was looking at.

Just like Lydia their eyes widened and Alexa felt a surge of accomplishment. She walked over to them.

'Don't stop talking on my account,' she encouraged them with a sneer. Before any of them could say anything she kept walking to her next class, American History.

* * *

><p>Like she expected, they hurried after her.<p>

'Why didn't you let us now you came back?' Scott questioned.

'Yeah, we had to hear it from Derek! Derek!' Stiles exclaimed.

Alexa chuckled and shook her head, 'I didn't thought I needed to report myself to anyone.' She entered the classroom and took a seat near the back of the class. Stiles dropped next to her on one side while Scott did it at the other. She had heard Scott assuring Alison that they would all talk later.

Stiles leaned towards her in his seat and flayed his arms when he almost lost his balance. Alexa raised an amused eyebrow and leaned back in her seat.

'We searched everywhere for you when Derek and Lydia told us you were back.' Ali shrugged and kept staring in front of her with a grin on her face. S

he heard Stiles swallow audible and then ask, 'Did you really kill Kali?' Alexa stiffened and she pursed her lips in a grim line. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Scott sending Stiles a warning glare and she had almost laughed because this was something that would happen all the time. 'Yeah,' she said casually.

Stiles gulped and asked another question, 'Were you an Alpha before you killed her?' Ali sighed and turned in her seat to look at the boy.

She noted that his hair had grown and that he didn't sport his buzzcut anymore. It made him hotter.

'Yes, Stiles, I was an Alpha before I snapped that bitch her neck.'

From her right Scott spoke up, 'You killed before?' This time Ali turned to Scott and smirked again.

'Not everyone can be a True Alpha Scottie.'

Her calling him Scottie brought them back to the days were everything was fine and they were best friends. Scott looked at her with such a serious expression on his face that Alexa almost cringed. His eyes were piercing in hers and they were staring at each other. She saw a flicker of something in his eyes but before she could study it better the teacher spoke up.

'Good morning, everyone. My name is Mr. Yukimura. I'll be taking over for your previous History Teacher. My family and I moved here three weeks ago. I'm sure, by now, you all know my daughter, Kira.  
>Or you might not since she's never actually mentioned anyone from school.<br>Or brought a friend home for that matter.'

Alexa chuckled and somewhere behind her someone let her head drop on their table. Everyone turned around in their seat to look at the person who made the noise so Alexa did the same. Shamefully an Asian girl with black wavy hair lifted her head from the table and gave an awkward half-wave.

Alexa stopped chuckling and looked at the girl with slight understanding. Her first day had been just as awkward. The sympathy disappeared the moment she saw Kira and Scott lock eyes. With a huff she looked to the front of the classroom again and she could feel Stiles eyes on her.

'Now, let's begin with American History at the turn of the 20th century.'

Alexa crossed her arms over her chest and she was just about to close her eyes to dot off when she saw Scott looking at his shadow in a panic.

She had no idea what he was seeing but it couldn't be good. This darkness thing really had them in it's grip.

* * *

><p>When class ended Scott and Stiles barely gave her a chance to escape so she walked with them to her ex-boyfriend his locker. She knew they wanted to ask her questions but they had more important things on their mind then her being back after six months, supposedly changed.<p>

Stiles was messing with the lock on his locker while Scott was trying to reassure him everything was going to be fine.

'Maybe we need a little time to get back to normal.'

Stiles didn't even look up, 'Yeah, try not to forget we hit the reset button on a supernatural beacon for supernatural creatures. '

His messing with the lock became worse and Alexa had to urge to push him out of the way and do it herself.

'There's a pretty good chance things are never getting back to normal.' Scott nodded in approval and Alexa had enough of Stiles he slowness. With a huff she grabbed his arms to push him aside but he was rooted at the spot, staring at the lock like it was some foreign object.

'Stiles,' she bit. Helplessly she looked at Scott to see that he was hunched over and that his eyes were glowing red.

Feverishly she looked around her, seeing if someone was looking at them to see that luckily wasn't the case.

Stiles said what she had been thinking, 'Oh dude, your eyes!'

Scott looked at them in question, 'What about them?' Alexa bit her lip and huffed again.

'They are glowing you idiot! Stop it!' she snapped.

He looked at her in shock, 'What? Right now?' Stiles nodded and looked around just as feverishly as she had been doing.

'Yes, dude, right now!' Alexa gripped Scott his arm and pulled him with her.

'Keep your head down!' she spit.

Stiles was trying desperately to keep him shielded from people who were looking at them weirdly. Ali payed no attention to them en pulled Scott in an empty classroom followed by the spastic boy.

Alexa let go off the True Alpha and the latter pulled off his jacket while growling.

Both of his friends took a step towards him but he held up his hand, 'No, stay back! Get away from me!'

Stiles tried to reassure him that everything was okay while Alexa was frowning and looking at Scott with a thoughtful face.

'I don't know what's gonna happen. Stay back,' he breathed in a ragged voice. Scott stood up straighter and pressed his claws in his hand making blood drip out of his palms in small streams. His face turned upwards and his teeth grew. That's when his eyes stopped glowing and his facial features turned back to normal.

He leaned against one of the tables and Alexa hurried to him and squatted next to him. She took his hands in her and rubbed soothing circles on his palms ignoring the blood now coating her small hands.

'Pain makes you human,' Scott breathed while looking straight at her. A soft smile laced her face but it was weak.

'Scott, this isn't just in our heads. This is real. And it's starting to get bad for me too. I'm not just having nightmares. I'm having dreams where I have to literally scream myself awake. And sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm actually ever waking up.'

Alexa wasn't used to getting worried anymore and being worried for two people at once all of a sudden clawed at her emotions. She didn't want to care. She didn't care. She shouldn't care. But she did, because these boys were her friends, she loved them. Loving someone was a weakness but she couldn't help it.

'What do you mean?' asked Scott while feeling slightly soothed by the comforting circles Ali was making on his hands.

'Do you know how you can tell if you're dreaming? You can't read in dreams. More and more, the past few days, I've been having trouble reading. It's like I can't see the words. I can't put the letters in order.'

Scott shook his head in question, 'Like even now?'

Stiles stood up and looked straight at the board.

'I can't read a thing.'

* * *

><p>After the whole fiasco at school Alexa decided to go with Stiles to the police because she better had the whole police thing done and over with and she knew that she had to see the sheriff for that and in this case was that Stiles his dad. At least that is what she told herself. It wasn't liked she cared about the problems Stiles was having, right?<p>

On the way there they bought a bouquet of flowers from the flower shop. She didn't now exactly why they bought them but she didn't care to ask.

At the police station she ducked her head down so that the officers wouldn't see her and start asking questions. Technically she was still missing.

They walked in to the Sheriff's office and Stiles planted to flowers on the table.

'You know, the last time we brought one of these to her grave it was stolen the same day. Hundred bucks down the drain.'

Ali stilled in the doorway and pity filled her eyes. Maybe she did care why they bought those flowers. She shook herself and stepped into the office to see Sheriff Stilinski behind his desk. On the floor.

'Hey, Dad? Hi, what are you doing down there?'

Sheriff Stilinski looked up and deadpanned, 'Working.'

Alexa chuckled and Stiles his farther his head shot up.

'Alexa Ravens.' Ali smiles softly, fake BTW, and says, 'Hey, old man.' Stilinski shakes his head and asks, 'Your mom knows your back?'

From the not so surprised reaction Ali figures Stiles already told him she was back. She shakes her head and hops on the desk.

'Nah, I'm not planning on staying,' she tells him. Stiles looks at her in surprise and Alexa just shrugs.

'So what ya doing?' she changes the subject.

He holds up a file, discarding her comment about leaving.

'I've been looking over some old cases from a more illuminated perspective, if you know what I mean. "Strange sighting of bipedal lizard man sprinting across freeway." Kanima pile.'

He throws the file on a pile of other files.

Stiles narrows his eyes.

'Dad, you're not going back through all your old cases seeing if any of them had something to do with the supernatural, are you?' he questions his father. Seeing that it was exactly what he was doing Ali smirks.

'I admit the recent opening of my eyes to the greater mysteries of the universe has got me reassessing.  
>There's at least 100 cases here where I look at the details and I can ask myself, "If I knew then what I know now"' he answered.<p>

'Right, but are you sure you wanna go down that path?'

She can see Stiles is worried about his farther but Alexa thinks it's actually a good idea going over past cases again to see if there was any thing supernatural about them.

'Do I have a choice? There's one case in particular that I can't get out of my head.  
>Eight years ago, I was elected Sheriff of County, my first official duty was to tell a man that not only had his wife and two kids died in a car accident, but, as best we could tell, the body of his nine year old daughter had been dragged from the wreck by coyotes.'<p>

Stilinski hands his son a file about the case he is speaking about and Ali hops of the desk to look over Stiles his shoulder at the file. A couple of photo's were in the file of a little girl with long auburn hair.

'You mean dragged and eaten?' questions Stiles. Alexa rolls her eyes and pushes him on the shoulder.

'What do you think he means? That she skipped to the forest to play hopscotch?' Stiles glared at her and Ali just smirks.

'We didn't find the car until three days after the crash. They had driven off the road into a pretty deep ravine. Two bodies that were still in the car were covered in bites and slashes.' Ali frowns and tries to think if it could have been done by werewolves.

'So you're thinking bites and claw marks, probably a werewolf attack?' Stilinski holds his head awry, 'Maybe.' If you looked at it like that it could have been a werewolf.

'But coyotes, they scavenge, right? So, couldn't they have just left the bites and the slashes?'

Alexa speaks up, 'Of course.'

The sheriff nods and points at something in the file, 'But guess what night the accident occurred on?' Alexa reads the line.

'On the night of a full moon.'

Ali her lips part slightly.

'Yeah,' Stilinski nods again.

Stiles his eyes falls on all the boxes containing files and asks his dad were they are going. Alexa looks at them to see what is so special about those boxes when she sees it. Agent McCall.

'Yeah, we, uh We probably need to talk about that.'

* * *

><p>The next day classes continue as usual and Alexa had successfully wormed herself out of all kinds of questions. She is tapping her pen lightly on her notebook at Coach his class. Last night Alison called her a couple of times but Alexa ignored all her calls. She wasn't feeling like talking to her former best friend because of the awkwardness it would ensure. Scott had called her a few times too but she ignored those calls also.<p>

Today she hadn't spoken to any of them yet and she had to admit that that was much better for her mental state of not caring.

Stiles was furiously scribbling in his notebook and not paying attention too class but Alexa didn't thought anything weird of it. Again, she had decided not to care.

Her jacket was annoying her so she shifted in her seat.

Coach was drowning on and on about something totally not interesting. The only thing useful that had left his mouth today was that Addison had called herself sick, just like yesterday. Alexa wondered if Addi knew about her return yet but she figured not because otherwise her sister would have been on her doorstep already.

All of a sudden the sound of a whistle infiltrated her ears and she sprung up with a start. The noise still ringing in her ears she looked at Coach, seeing him standing in front of Stiles, subjecting him to his wrath. After that Coach starts his lesson again but Alexa perks her ears to the conversation Scott and Stiles are having.

'I'm okay. I just fell asleep for a second.'

Both she and Scott frowned and Ali leaned in.

'You weren't sleeping.' Scott points at Stiles his notebook.

"Wake up," was written multiple times on the paper.

Lunch was weird. They were all siting outside at a picnic table with their homework in front of them. Well, the others had homework in front of them, Alexa was just looking at her chipped nails. She wasn't used to having Lydia and Isaac sitting with them. She liked Isaac well enough but it wasn't like she was there when he became Scott's beta instead of that of Derek's. And every time Lydia and Ali crossed glances they glared at each other. Nope, nothing changed there.

'Okay, so what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things?'

Stiles adds something to it, 'And is unable to tell what's real or not?'

Alison; 'And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives?'

Isaac deadpans what she had been thinking, 'They're all locked up because they are insane.' Okay, maybe she did like Isaac. A lot. He was fun.

Stiles doesn't thinks it is as funny as she thinks it is.

'Ha, can you at least try to be helpful, please?'

Alexa sighs while Isaac looks directly at Stiles.

'For half my childhood, I was locked in a freezer. So, being helpful is kind of a new thing for me.'

Alexa raises an eyebrow and scoffs.

'Hey, dude, are you still milking that?' Isaac nods.

'Yeah, maybe I am still milking that.'

All of a sudden the girl from American History, Kira, walks up to their table and greets them. Ali narrows her eyes and looks suspiciously at the girl.

'Hi, sorry. I couldn't help overhearing what you guys were talking about. And I think I actually might know what you're talking about. There's a Tibetan word for it. It's called Bardo. It literally means "in-between states." The state between life and death.'

The girl looks awkward saying that but also kind of cute, she has to admit that.

Lydia looks at her with her famous bitch-stare.

'And what do they call you?'

'Kira.' The answer doesn't comes from the girl itself.

Alexa glares at Scott and he visibly pales.

'She is in our history class,' he mutters weakly.

She probably looked like a jealous bitch but she didn't care what people thought of her. Alison and Scott were finally broken up and that meant Ali had a chance now. And she wasn't going to let a cute Asian girl ruin that.

'So are you talking Bardo in Tibetan Buddhism or Indian?' Leave it to Lydia to know what it means.

Kira shrugs, 'Either I guess.'

Alexa has to move out of the way on the bench because Kira just decides to go sit down without invitation and Ali had to hold in a scoff. She's pressed against Stiles now and that only makes everything more uncomfortable. He was her _**ex**_-boyfriend for gods sakes. She could feel Stiles shuffling in his seat.

'But all the stuff you guys were just saying? All that happens in Bardo. There are different progressive states where you can have hallucinations. Some you see, some you just hear. And you can by visited by peaceful and wrathful deities,' explains the girl enthusiastic.

Like, really enthusiastic. Like she thinks Bardo is just as cool as the carnival.

'Wrathful deities? And what are those?' Isaac questions.

'Like demons,' states Kira. This time Ali does scoffs.

'Demons,' she says dryly.

Stiles shrugs, 'Why not?' He doesn't seems to thrilled about that.

'Hold on, if there are different progressive states, then what's the last one?' her former best friend asks.

'Death, you die,' Kira says like it's obvious.

Well, news flash, it isn't.

They all look at her in disbelief and Ali rolls her eyes.

This is complete bullshit.

* * *

><p>The next day she got a call from Stiles saying she had to go with Scott and him to the house were Malia Tate used to live, the nine year old girl from the car crash. Apparently Scott had to sniff somethings out there for the sheriff. With resentment she eventually agreed and dressed herself in some appropriate secret mission clothing consisting of black jeans, a white blouse with leaves printed on it and a leather jacket. It felt like before she had left, when she used to dress like that all the time.<p>

The boys picked her up at her house what made Stiles and Scott gape at her. They knew she had to stay somewhere but they didn't thought she had her own house. But seeing she was legal, 18, the sheriff couldn't scold her for it.

The drive to Malia Tate's house didn't take that look after that because Alexa lived close to that area. They got out of the car and went around the back while the sheriff distracted Tate.

While going in they had to step over a rat trap. It wasn't the most convenient place to put one but she shrugged it of.

When they tried to open the door it squeaked. A lot. It was annoying as hell and they had to stop opening it every time otherwise Tate would've heard it. It made Alexa roll her eyes. Multiple times.

Eventually they just hurried in and closed the door after them.

They immediately went to work and Stiles gave Scott all kinds of fluffy animals what made Ali giggle and Scott glare at her.

Stiles handed her one to and she sniffed it, recognizing the scent.

'All I'm getting is some animal smell.'

Alexa scoffed and was just about the say what kind of smell it was when she froze. Scott noticed it to.

'Dog.' The dog in question growled and Alexa widened her eyes.

'Hi, puppy,' muttered Stiles.

'Get rid of it,' whispered he.

'Me?' Scott questioned.

'Yes you, glow your eyes at it or something, be the Alpha.'

Scott growled, 'I can't. I don't have control.'

The dog started barking and Alexa took a step back. But then a thought hit her. Scott wasn't the only Alpha here.

'Get out of my way!' she snapped from behind Stiles.

He turned to her slightly and whisper-yelled, 'What? What do you think you can do?'

She glared at him and pushed him out of the way. The dog started barking louder but Alexa locked eyes with him.

'Stop barking and go away,' she demanded and then blinked.

When she opened her eyes again they were glowing red. The dog stilled and took of. Ali straightened up and pulled her jacket straight.

'That works to,' mutters Stiles while Scott just looks at her in awe.

She makes a disapproving sound and snaps, 'Hurry on!'

That does it. Immediately they start looking again but all they seem to get is the smell of that stupid dog. Stiles looks at a photo of Malia and some other girl and then takes a picture of it with his phone.

They get back to the car after searching for things some more.

After a while Stilinski comes out and they step out of the car.

'I'm sorry, I tried as hard as I could. If it wasn't so long ago I might have been able to do it.' Alexa nods apologetically.

'It's okay. It was a long shot. In fact, it was a pretty terrible idea. I think I just ripped a wound open in that poor man. I never should have brought you guys here. I don't know what I was thinking,' the sheriff says.

Sympathy, that is definitely sympathy she feels. Gosh, she hates emotions.

'Thanks for trying tho.' He claps Scott on the shoulder and gives Ali a thankful smile.

'I'll see you at home,' he tells Stiles.

They watch him drive away.

'Aren't there a lot of cases that go unsolved?' Scott questions.

'Yeah, I just think this is one he felt like he could've figured out right now.'

'Why is it so important now?' asks Scott.

'He wants to be able to solve one more while he's still Sheriff.'

'What do you mean, "still Sheriff"?'

Oh, crap.

* * *

><p>That night she got a phone call, again. Something about searching for a body. She politely declined and hung up before anything else could have been said. Then she went back to sleep. The first few days interacting with her friends again had been tough and she still had to go through seeing her family for the first time again. Her resolve of not caring had cracked a bit but all in all she was definitely changed. She was tougher, less caring and a lot more sarcastic. Her friends saw that. They saw she changed and they knew it would cause a lot of problems later on but they weren't about to give up on her. They already lost her once, they weren't planning on losing her again.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I swear to god if I don't get at least one review for this I'm gonna drown myself. I've never written this long and I'm tired as fuck. I don't even feeling like saying anything else except the usual. Ugh, I'm dead. <strong>

**The collection of outfits for this story is on my profile, well, the link to my polyvore is. **

_Yours sincerely._


End file.
